Alien Baby: The story of my sister who turned out not to be an extraterrestrial

18 02 2012

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When my mom proudly announced to my 5 year old self that she was pregnant, I was of course excited. I had been wanting a sibling. I had already had a dog for two years and that had gotten old. I was an only child and it was time to bring along my live in playmate. Someone I could play cowboys and Indians with. Who would help me expand my gravel rock collection and climb trees with me. It was time for the world to bring along a brother. For yes, of course it would be a brother. No one in their right mind would question it. I had thought once before that I was this fortunate. My mother wound up in the hospital and me and Grandma went for a visit. She took me down to the baby ward where I selected my blue swaddled brother-to-be. He came prewrapped and I was all ready for the responsibility of being an older sister. To my flabbergasted astonishment I was informed we were not here to pick up my sibling but rather because my mom had to have an appendix removed, whatever THAT was…

Anyway, the universe had finally made amends. This time I was guaranteed big sister-ship. “You’re getting a sister Halley.” My parents tried to tell me. Ah what did they know about it anyway? Everyone huddled around a developed blob of static cooing and exclaiming how beautiful she was.

She?

SHE?!

Oh man were they mistaken. It was a boy. Didn’t they know that? They touted that it WAS a girl. The “photo” said so. But honestly I didn’t see how anyone could tell that from a checkerboard Polaroid. I mean really, if we were going by what the “photo” said then I was big sister to a bulbous alien with a rope flapping out its belly.

“That’s just the umbilical cord Halley….”

‘Right… Sure…’

Anyway, it was clear that the validity of this photograph was to be questioned. I was either getting an alien or a brother.

January 24th 1997 8lbs 2oz my baby sister was welcomed into the world. I am relieved to announce that she came out pink, screaming and 100% human. Who woulda thunk it? I had a 50/50 chance of scoring a brother and the universe had cheated me again. It’s been 15 years since my sister’s birth and don’t get me wrong I’m very thankful for her existence and love her very much. However, next time, if there happens to be a next time, I most undoubtedly assure you I will be graced with a brother.  I figure things come in 3s and a third times a charm. Just you wait…

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