13 03 2012

Hail thee mighty facebook

Ye who connects all ends of the earth

How extensive your search results

255,000 John Smiths you possess

51 Mary Reaves

Your nationalities so varied

Like the color of fall leaves


I blame you O facebook

You make the world so small

I’ve friended so many people

Like my 3rd cousin’s, aunts’, uncle’s, wife’s cat

Users that whine and pout

When you update the site

And change the lay out. 


People in California

Poker buddies across the globe

No I don’t speak Arabic

But my flush beats your pair

O facebook filled with many ages

Why did you give the stalkers

Access to our pages?


Spider in English Class

12 03 2012

While sitting in my English class

Sleep crept upon my being

My head began to dip and nod

My eyes were blurred of seeing


She took a firm grasp o’er me

I tried in vain to fight her!

Then all at once my heart leapt up

For I thought I saw a spider


All dreaming flew far away

As I looked yet again

For within these stone mundane walls

I thought I found a friend


Dear reader you may make of me

That my senses, leave have taken

Yet I will say I was quite sad

To find I’d been mistaken


A living thing that creeps and crawls

Within this cold hard place

Would have filled my heart with joy

And put a smile on my face


Yet no matter how hard I stare

My wishing’s not enough

I can not make a spider of

This lifeless ball of fluff

November’s National Support Topic

10 03 2012

Tonight I would like to discuss a very serious topic. It has been brought to my attention (through somewhat graphic and grotesque images) that raccoons everywhere suffer from an egregious lack of mothers. Evidence shows and I have concluded that due to absence of maternal care, mortality rates of the Common North American Raccoon (CNAR) have been on the rise for the past 100 years. However, don’t blame mama coon, the real culprit is… the automobile. While true the CNAR has been the target of Homo Sapien hunting for centuries, Henry Ford and his mass production of the horseless carriage has done more for the demise of the coon than any hunting weapon through the ages! These past hundred years have left our roadsides littered with the carnage of the masked bandit. One out of every five coons was the subject of sudden death on the roadway in 2009. That’s more than a 500% increase from the CCC[*] findings back in the year 1850 (please note #1 cause of death for the CNAR in 1850 was due to over hunting with coon dogs).

Such mass production of the “car” caused an almost immediate increase in coon death tolls. The CNAR was at a serious disadvantage because no coon mother knew the dangers of the modern carriage. Those who discovered this never lived to the eehrm… tail. And who’s to blame when you have a ton of metal barreling down upon your at excessive speeds? The result? Almost instantaneous eradication of coon mothers world wide. And with no mothers, who is there to tell the younglings to look both ways before crossing the road? … No one. (Coon fathers are useless in this aspect.) Granted there are still female coons out in the world to bring coonlets into being. However, nearly all CNAR mamas die young as a result of a lack of knowledge of the dangers of the road. Those that miraculously survive eventually fall prey to the hunter’s efforts.

And so it is with a heavy heart and a hopeful outlook that I declare November as National Coon Awareness month. It is our mission that during this month special attention be paid to our thoughtless driving. With just a little effort we can help prevent rising coon mortality rates and prolong the life of coon mamas. As part of our awareness education program we will start to train volunteers to proceed into the forest and demonstrate proper road crossing techniques to the CNAR. (If you are interested in becoming a volunteer please call 1-800-4MY-COON now!) We also have promotional t-shirts soon available for purchase. They come in red and yellow and feature a picture of a helpless baby CNAR and slogans such as “I break for mamas,” and “Swerve for coons.” Each shirt will be $19.99. There will be a link to our ordering site posted here some time later in the month (depending on support raised and the effectiveness of our program.) So check back here frequently. Support the CNAR and coon mamas everywhere!

Thank you,

God bless and goodnight

[*] Coon Census Correlation


4 03 2012

   Welcome I gasp,

     With arms open wide.

Falling into,

     The pale cloudless sky.

A million thoughts,

     Are yet to be had.

If cut are the binds,

     That make the mind mad.

More days to be lived,

     In glorious life.

Away with the burdens!

     Away with the strife!

Speak to me slowly,

     With gentle soft words.

Tell me the tale,

     Of turtle dove birds.

Whisper me quiet,

     Sing me to sleep.

Stir not the nightmares,

     That live in the deep.

And peaceful with rest,

     In my warm bed I’ll float.

With sheets for my sail,

     And a dream for my boat.

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